


hold you close

by fanx



Category: FFC-Acrush (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, F/F, lapslock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-05
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:02:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25088881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanx/pseuds/fanx
Summary: a page out of kindergarten teacher linfan and her girlfriend’s domestic life.
Relationships: Lin Fan/Lu Keran
Comments: 12
Kudos: 34





	1. Chapter 1

it was raining cats and dogs by the time keran stumbled into the apartment. linfan had been busying herself with the drawings her preschool kids had made since the past hour, and barely registered keran coming over to where she made a nest on the floor, dropping a kiss on the top of her head.

“weren’t you relieved you listened to me and brought the umbrella to work?” she couldn’t help but mumble, knowing how stubborn keran could be sometimes. just this morning, they had a 10-minute argument on whether or not it was going to rain and if the mini umbrella was worth taking up the space in keran’s work bag. in the end, keran relented, even though she pretended to moan at the added weight when linfan sneaked it inside.

she heard keran scoff, and it brought a grin to her lips as she shuffled the next drawing. this one was quite the piece; there were hardly any subjects in it, any motives that linfan could decipher, as only colourful lines streaked the paper, the background filled by dark crayon. perhaps she could call it an abstract piece. she could see it being sold on taobao with a starting price of ¥1400. not too shabby.

when keran came back to the living room, now smelling of the lemon shower foam they used, linfan was in the middle of admiring a rather endearing drawing by one of her favourite kids, xiuying. she was pretty sure the two tall stick persons on the paper were linfan and keran, as the shirts they had on were the colour of the shirts they both wore last friday, when keran left work early to fetch linfan at the kindergarten. stick-women linfan and keran were holding hands as a tiny stick-girl xiuying stood by linfan’s skinny legs, her tiny hand gripping linfan’s unoccupied one. it was _heartbreakingly_ adorable.

“look at how cute this is,” linfan turned around to show keran the drawing, and keran leaned forward from her place on the couch to look at it closely.

“is that supposed to be us?” a smile dawned on keran’s face as the realization came upon her slowly. “who made this? is it xiuying?”

if linfan weren’t already too occupied with her task at hand, she would’ve jumped keran for being absolutely thoughtful. she wasn’t sure why it was always such a surprise to know that keran took her job seriously enough to remember every little bit and detail about it, but it was. her mom thought this job beneath her, and her dad had always voiced his displeasure at her daughter being nothing but a kindergarten teacher. the only one who had always supported her from the start was keran.

“yes, yes it is.” the awe must have coloured her voice for keran looked at her weirdly, albeit with a small smile.

“why do you sound like that?”

“like what?”

“like you couldn’t believe i remembered the kids you teach.” keran edged closer to her and cupped her cheeks, looking deep into her eyes. she wished she could dig a hole in the ground and bury herself in it, hiding far and away from keran’s soulful stare. it was unnerving. keran was not usually this transparent with her affection. sometimes, it felt like linfan had to pry it off of her, and even then, keran would be the one shying away after landing a kiss on her forehead or cheek. she had always had difficulties making eye contact with people, linfan included. you wouldn’t believe they were a couple from the way keran acted around her sometimes.

linfan was sure keran could feel her palms burning with how hot her cheeks were heating up, but it didn’t deter her. if anything, the hold tightened and the look in keran’s eyes became even more intense.

“i remember everything about you. about your work. xiuying is your favourite—”

“ _one_ of my favourites.”

“—okay, _one_ of your favourites,” keran huffed and squished linfan’s cheek for interrupting. “zhangwei is the kid who somehow always finds a way to get paint on your overalls. qingyuan is the one who loves climbing up your lap regardless of time and place. meihui’s the one who has a weird fixation on insects and keeps bugging you to let her go outside to catch bugs. need i go on?”

despite the warm fluttery feelings in her stomach, linfan chose to roll her eyes and stuck a tongue out in a childish antic.

“yes, baby, you’re _very_ attentive and sweet to me.”

keran bit on her lip for a moment, looking like she was thinking of something, before she pecked linfan square on her lips. the kiss caught her off guard, evidenced by the way her eyes widened in surprise.

“what was that for?” she questioned, feeling her cheeks heat up even more. if she didn’t know any better, she would’ve thought the butterflies meihui loved so much were in her stomach right now, fluttering about, causing utter chaos.

keran shrugged and let go of linfan’s face. she leaned back against the couch and continued scrolling on her phone, acting like she didn’t just whip out a surprise-kiss on linfan like they were in a cheesy korean drama. sometimes, linfan thought that keran would have loved to be an actress, but it wasn’t like the industry was scrambling to make lesbian-centered movies, so a white-collar job it was.

“we should put that on the fridge,” keran suddenly said, and when linfan turned around to look at her again, she gave no sign to acknowledge linfan.

“okay, sure,” shrugged linfan.

she continued on checking the rest of the drawings, and once she finished, she piled the papers neatly into the corner of the glass table and crept up onto the couch, lifting keran’s arm up so she could lay her head on her lap. she pouted when she received no acknowledgement whatsoever from her stoic girlfriend, with keran focusing hard on her phone. she knew it wasn’t work-related because when she took a peek from below, she saw it was only keran’s weibo timeline.

she barely heard keran saying ‘switch’ out of thin air before she lost her place on keran’s lap in the blink of an eye, her head landing flat on the cushion. thinking of exactly what she had done in her past life to deserve this kind of treatment, she felt keran crawling up her body and settling herself just below her collarbones and right on her chest.

“hold me,” came the demand.

“you don’t have the right to call me weird and random anymore after pulling this stunt,” linfan said matter-of-factly, though she did wrap her arm around keran’s waist and held the back of keran’s neck with her other hand. it was probably keran’s favourite position to be held in, proven by how often they slept this way in bed, be it with them on their side or with keran laying on top of her just like this. keran had said she felt comforted with linfan’s hand resting on the back of her neck, like an anchor rooting her to the real world.

the heavy rain outside had let up after a while, leaving a light drizzle pitter-pattering against the windows in its stead, cocooning them in their small, cosy apartment. linfan had been busy with her own stuff that she had forgotten to ask keran how her day went, and judging from the silence interspersed with heavy sighs leaving keran’s mouth, she could gauge it wasn’t particularly good. she did say there was supposed to be a meeting today, and when linfan texted her in the afternoon to check up, keran had left her on read.

“how was work today?” she asked softly, fingers playing with the hair on keran’s nape. a grunt then, unwillingness to answer. it was all the answer linfan needed.

“i’m thinking of making rice balls for dinner tonight, korean style. you like that, right?” she tried again, trying to shift keran’s worries away. it seemed like it worked when keran nodded, her cheek grazing against linfan’s chest. it tickled a little, but when linfan tried to move away, keran tightened her hold around linfan’s waist. it was easier to resign to her fate of having a clingy girlfriend.

“your hair’s gotten a bit longer. wanna go and have a trim?” she tugged on the little hairs on the nape, just to be playful, and heard keran’s soft groan. it filled her heart with glee and would have done it again if keran hadn’t turned her head and mushed her nose onto the center of her chest, rubbing it across the shirt. “stop it, weirdo.”

“let me do whatever i want.”

“i _always_ let you do whatever you want.”

“false.”

“clingy ass.”

“true,” keran agreed, fast as lightning, before sneaking her cold hands underneath linfan’s shirt, framing her sides. “but you chose to date me anyway.”

“mm, whoever should i thank for that.”

“yuxin and lingzi, for starters.”

right, yuxin and lingzi. the two people they owe this relationship to. keran and yuxin used to have... _history_ , and it had always made such a good story at dinner parties. linfan tried dating lingzi too for a while, before realizing that the feelings she bore for keran was in an entirely different league from the rest of the girls she used to date. it was sad back then, back when their friendship was riddled with uncertainty and insecurity, and when their relationship culminated, everyone used to say it was a long time coming. now, looking back, linfan could find it in herself to laugh at the memories, at how painfully oblivious the both of them were.

“speaking of, lingzi invited us for dinner sometime soon. housewarming or some sort.”

“right. remind me to buy a gift for her then.”

keran pressed one side of her cheek flat against linfan’s chest again, and linfan wrapped one of her legs around keran’s thigh, her hand tightening its hold on keran’s nape. a sudden wave of fondness swept her chest for the woman in her arms, and she angled her head down so she could leave a kiss on the crown of keran’s head.

“love you,” she whispered, sweeping her hand up and down keran's back. sometimes, she couldn’t believe this would be their fourth year together. it was true; time really did fly by, even during the moments you _weren’t_ having fun. their relationship was riddled with problems and arguments sometimes; keran could be too closed off at the worst times, and linfan too open and eager to pry things out of her. their personalities clashed most of the time, but the moment they made up, the fight sizzling down to soft, whispered apologies and promises to be better… _that_ feeling made almost every single fight leading up to that moment worth it.

“we should get up. you need to help me cook,” linfan said when her gaze settled on the clock on the wall. it was getting darker by the minute and if both of them didn’t get a move on, no one would be eating tonight. god forbade if keran cook once in a while...

“let me eat you out,” came the totally unhelpful reply from below, and she scoffed, pushing keran’s cheeky face away when she tried to come up for a kiss.

“pussy-eating isn't sustenance, keke.”

“how do you know? have you tried it?”

“yes, remember i told you about my sex marathon with xiaoyun and we—”

this time, when keran stole a kiss from her, she had totally anticipated it, her lips drawing up into a grin when keran seemed to kiss her harder for it. nothing in this world was more amusing than keran’s rivalry with xiaoyun, linfan’s short-lived ‘girlfriend’, if she could even call it that. keran despised the fact that xiaoyun was the only other butch linfan had ever dated besides keran, and somehow it brought out the competitiveness in her. xiaoyun was literally the least threatening person in the world and yet whenever they had the opportunity to hang out together, either at one of yuxin and xue’er's dinner parties or any one of their mutual friends’, keran would be hovering over linfan like a mother hen all night, an arm around her waist or shoulders. it probably wasn’t that serious, but linfan found it hilarious and exhilarating all the same. 

“calm down,” linfan couldn’t help but giggle into the kiss, cupping keran’s face to pull it away from hers just for a moment. their apartment was bathed in darkness once the sun had completely set, save for the automatic light in the balcony adjacent to the living room. despite that, linfan could see the look in keran’s eyes clearly, staring at her with that sort of heated intensity that would usually command her attention in the bedroom. the breath linfan exhaled came out shaky then, all traces of mirth wiped out from her system.

“you know i don't like it when you mention _that_ thing.”

biting down on her lip, linfan nodded and softly tapped keran’s cheek with the palm of her hand, feeling rightfully reprieved. “let’s go make dinner, yeah?”

“okay.”

now that keran had untangled herself from linfan, she found herself missing the warmth from their shared closeness. but she couldn’t very well ask keran to start yet another cuddle session, knowing that keran would agree in a heartbeat. as she stretched her arms over her head, she heard soft grumbling emanating from keran’s stomach, and it brought about a fresh round of chuckles from them both. standing, she offered a hand for keran to take, eyes curving up into crescents as she joked, “journey to the kitchen in 3... 2...”

“dork,” keran chuckled, though she clasped her hand in linfan’s, the hold tight and secure. 

“takes one to know one.”

“touché. oh,” keran bent down, retrieving the piece of drawing xiuying made. “gotta remember to stick this on the fridge.”

linfan smiled, the butterflies returning to her stomach in full force now, as she plucked the drawing from keran’s hand. “smart. pretty. _and_ attentive. how did i get so lucky,” linfan swooned, faking a few theatrical antics, making keran tug on her hand to pull her closer and plant a big, wet kiss on her cheek. _serve me right,_ linfan thought as she whined at the wetness. 

“you definitely chose the wrong major, baby.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mm this is purely self-indulgent trash. please do not attack me lol.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a familiar, unwanted face popped up at the housewarming party lingzi was hosting, and keran had to deal with her jealousy on her own.

truth be told, keran didn’t expect the amount of people attending lingzi’s housewarming party to be… this many. linfan had assured her that it was just going to be a couple of people they were already acquainted with, and that they were only going to be there for a few hours before leaving. keran checked the time on her watch for the tenth time and noted that it had been exactly two hours since they’d been here, and linfan showed no signs of leaving. sighing, she rested her head against the wall adjacent to the living room and watched as linfan mingled around, laughing with a group of people keran was sure supposed to be lingzi’s colleagues. 

it took a few sips of some kind of lychee soju in her hand for linfan to return to her, with a smile so wide on her face and her cheeks red. probably had too much to drink, keran supposed. still, she welcomed her girlfriend into her arms as she felt linfan circling her lanky arms around her waist, nuzzling her warm face into the crook of keran’s neck. they weren’t much of a drinker, keran more so than linfan since she wasn’t so much of a fan of it, so she had forgotten just how clingy linfan could get in this state. it was adorable, perhaps a bit _too_ adorable for keran to handle.

“why are you all alone in this corner, not socializing?” linfan mumbled, her lips grazing where keran’s neck met her shoulder, and keran felt something akin to a shiver run up her spine. “is the party boring you?”

“no,” keran whispered, the hand not holding her drink cupping the back of linfan’s head, softly caressing it. “i just prefer watching _you_ socializing.”

“that’s no fun.”

“well, i don’t remember asking you,” keran softly quipped, taking the sting out of her words by bending down her head and pressing a kiss on linfan’s temple. “you’re very entertaining to watch, missus.”

“hm, i’m kinda tired,” linfan said, and keran believed it from the way her words started to slur together. keran didn’t remember lingzi providing any hard liquor earlier in the party, but it _had_ been too long since they last drank. she still remembered the iconic night where linfan tried to best her in a drinking game, boasting that her skills outpassed even most of the boys in her class, and it had ended tragically, with yuxin and lingzi practically having to carry them both back to their room. the headache she woke up to outmatched any other headaches she ever had in her life, and she swore not to let linfan get her way in things involving drinks ever again. 

“you sure you don’t wanna meet some more people? maybe keyin? or—”

linfan met her eyes in a glare, although the obvious pout took away the threatening aura it was supposed to present. keran chuckled then, and swooped down to peck the pout away.

“okay, ma’am, let’s go home.”

as she wrapped her arm around linfan’s waist to stabilize her, lingzi came up before them and said, “linfan ah, xiaoyun’s here.”

keran’s good mood immediately went down the drain. 

linfan straightened up at that, although not before glancing at keran as though judging her reaction. apparently, whatever face keran had made, it made linfan stay by her side.

“ah, i haven’t seen her in a while.”

“mhm. she said she kinda wanna see you, but…” lingzi chanced a glance towards keran, and keran understood it loud and clear. she felt ridiculous for feeling this way, like she was something linfan would replace in a heartbeat with a better-looking, more fun person like xiaoyun, because she knew that wasn’t even the closest to the truth. she felt even more stupid since she knew their circle of friends noticed how incredibly agitated she would get whenever xiaoyun was even mentioned in their conversation. she wished she could be as carefree as xueer and yuxin were. xueer never once showed her jealousy whenever keran was around yuxin, if anything, she showed warmth towards her. god knew xueer had the rights to feel so, but she didn’t, and keran admired the quality in her. xueer treated everyone with warmth and love, no matter who they were, treated them like she had known them their whole life and welcomed them with only smiles and good-willed gentleness. it was incredibly inspiring.

“she could, but keke and i were just about to leave,” linfan replied, and keran’s arm around her waist tightened just a smidge. 

“well… maybe next time then?” the disappointment in lingzi’s tone didn’t go unnoticed.

“no,” keran suddenly said, surprising even herself. “you should meet her. it’s not that late anyway. we’ll leave after you’re done.” she gave an encouraging nod to linfan, and if linfan noticed her forced tight-lipped smile, she chose not to say anything. 

“okay, well, you can tell her to come meet me here?”

“sure! oh, this will be fun! we haven’t grouped up together like this since… since i don’t even remember!” 

they watched as lingzi scuttle away to retrieve xiaoyun from whichever depths of hell she came from. keran tried to force down the unsettling feeling in her chest, knowing that lingzi and linfan both needed this. she would be a toxic girlfriend if she were to not let them reunite even for a short while.

“you okay?” linfan asked, her voice soft in her ear, the background music drowned by the cadence of her tone. “we can always leave. i know you don’t really like seeing her face.”

“fan, i’m alright. this’ll be good for you guys,” keran reassured, and pulled linfan even closer towards her, her hand on the back of linfan’s neck. she pressed a kiss on the top of linfan’s head, and let her lips travel down her temple, and ending the kiss on her forehead. 

“you’re not usually this touchy,” linfan grumbled, although the way her eyes closed at the soft touch of keran’s lips on her skin betrayed her tone. 

“you look _really_ adorable tonight, i can’t help but kiss you all over.”

“keke!” 

she chuckled at linfan’s indignance before putting her glass down on the wooden table next to her. the weather had been a little chillier these days, but with the amount of people in the apartment as well as the heated floor, keran felt warmer than usual. linfan’s proximity and the way her hands kept sneaking under her shirt probably contributed to her body temperature running hotter than usual too, but keran was determined not to show how much that was affecting her.

she realized xiaoyun was getting near when she felt linfan pulling her hands away, although it wasn’t like anyone was able to see it with the jacket keran was wearing. keran didn’t take her hand off linfan’s nape even as she heard xiaoyun greeting them both though.

“hi, it’s been a while, huh?” linfan said, standing taller. keran dropped her hand away. 

“i’ll be back, okay?” keran whispered and met linfan’s worried eyes. she shook her head and left a chaste kiss on the plump of linfan’s cheek.

whatever xiaoyun continued to say was left unheard as she walked to the kitchen, suddenly feeling parched. lingzi should have an ice cold water bottle somewhere in the fridge, right?

“you could be a little less obvious, you know?” 

she spun around to xueer’s smirking face. keran closed the fridge door with the bottle water in her other hand, and smiled pleasantly.

“what do you mean?”

“please, everyone could see how hard you’re trying to fuse your body with linfan’s! i’m surprised you didn’t just pin her against the wall and stick your tongue down her throat in front of everyone.”

“whoa, kong xueer?” keran said in an outburst of laughter, not expecting something like that to ever come out of xueer’s mouth. that apparently triggered xueer’s laughter too, and soon it had both of them bent over the counter separating them.

“it’s okay to feel jealous, you know? i do too,” xueer said, when the giggles finally died down, leaving them both in comfortable silence again. 

that was news to keran, and perhaps it showed with the way xueer looked at her. “you think i don’t feel like taking yuxin away from you whenever you guys talk to each other? you do realize yuxin looks at you differently than she looks at everyone else? me included. it’s like… her soft spot for you never went away, even after you left her brokenhearted.”

keran’s head spun with the revelation, and took a step back, only for her back to meet the fridge. of course she never realized that anything was different. she thought… but yuxin treated everyone gently, as if they were all her younger sisters and that she wanted to protect them from the world. yuxin had always been like that; she treated everyone so kindly as if she thought of them as her sole responsibility and no one else’s. that was what drove her to yuxin in the first place; her selflessness. 

“you didn’t know, huh? sometimes i wished you guys weren’t still friends, although i know that was mean of me to even think about… but you know what, i gotta live with it. i gotta live with you being such a delight and charming your way into my life… and yuxin’s! but… you’re also the reason why yuxin is finally mine, so i can’t really hate you.” xueer let out a chuckle as she looked at the floor wistfully. 

keran blinked, and blinked, and felt the tiny drops of condensation from the bottle running down her palms.

“i don’t feel so crazy anymore…” was what keran ended up saying, confusing xueer. 

“hm?”

“i mean… all this time i thought i was crazy for being so possessive of linfan, but turns out you feel the same way about me and yuxin. i really thought you’re this… angel-personified who never gets angry at anyone or even feels anything like jealousy or… or whatever. you must have wanted to claw my face off huh?”

xueer’s eyes widened, and she let out a snort. “not to that extent! but… you’re you and i’m… me, you know?”

“xueer, yuxin is fucking crazy about you. she can’t stop talking about you every time we meet. if i didn’t already know you, i’d think you’re some kind of fake russian woman who’s trying to scam her!”

“what the hell, keran!” xueer gave her a dirty look, and it triggered another bout of laughter from them. 

that was how linfan found them, sitting on the floor side by side, their shoulders shaking with laughter. they had been exchanging a few stories of yuxin, back when xueer was merely a bleep in yuxin’s life and when keran was yuxin’s whole world. it felt so weird to think back on that, to think that there was ever a time when yuxin and xueer didn’t exist as a pair. now, all keran could see was yuxin in xueer and xueer in yuxin wherever they were. 

“keke…?” 

keran glanced up at a worried-looking linfan, and smiled at her, her eyes crinkling around the corners. she stood up and offered a hand out to xueer, who took it without preamble. 

“it was nice catching up with you.”

“mm, same. now go home and wrap yourself around linfan. you’re making me puke with all the pda.”

when keran met linfan’s eyes, there was only confusion in them. 

“xueer’s just teasing. she loves us. she says she wishes to see me be more of a koala to you in public. it’s _endearing_.”

“linfan ah,” xueer said, walking over to linfan and patting her back, “get your girlfriend in line.”

“what was that?” linfan asked once xueer was nowhere in sight, probably hounding yuxin for attention. keran padded over to her, wrapping her hands around the contours of linfan’s waist, and softly pushed her against the wall. the noise from the music in the living room surrounded them all over, and keran could feel every exhale of linfan’s breath on her skin. 

“nothing,” keran whispered before leaning down to steal a kiss from linfan’s lips, inhaling her gasp and swallowing it down. she felt linfan’s arms sneaked around her neck, and it made her deepen the kiss, tilting her head so she could better kiss her. she tongued the seams of linfan’s lips, seeking entry, a moan climbing up past her throat when their tongues touched. a low simmering heat settled in her belly, and all she could hear was the rush in her ears and linfan's whimper when she clutched her waist a little too tight, her thigh slotting in between linfan’s legs so she could rub herself on it. 

warning bells kept ringing in her head, telling her they shouldn’t be doing this here, not where everyone could see them, but then linfan’s fingers slipped into her hair and _tugged_ , and all rationale left her mind, only the taste of the drink linfan had and the smell of her perfume filled her senses. 

“keke,” linfan managed to say with keran’s tongue in her mouth, and she found the will to pull away for a second, just a second _oh god please just_ , and pressed her forehead against the side of linfan’s head, huffing breaths against linfan’s reddening cheeks. her lungs felt prickly from the lack of air, and she waited until linfan seemed to regain her breath.

“let’s go home,” linfan said, her fingers now scratching the back of keran’s head, at the little hairs just short of her nape. “i’m really, _really_ wet.” she had whispered that almost too softly; if not for her lips grazing keran’s ear, keran wouldn’t have been able to hear the words. she found the strength to pull her body away, making space for whichever deity to come between them, and her eyes traced linfan’s reddened lips, to her blushing face that was so heartbreakingly pretty, to her blown out pupils. keran could only guess the state of her own self. 

she swallowed a little too hard at the pretty sight, and said nothing as she took linfan’s wrist in her hand and pushed through the crowd along the hallway from the kitchen to the main door. lingzi would’ve understood why they didn’t say so much as a goodbye. even if that wasn’t the case, she was sure xueer would’ve filled them in anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jealous keran makes my mind go brrrrr. i don't think anyone is still in this fandom anymore, at least not the english-speaking side of it, but i still wrote this in one day and posted it anyway cos the thought of keran just being clingy with linfan lived in my head rent free. the ending is kinda abrupt cos i just wanted to end it however i could, so yeah ;-; no one's reading this anyway, but if you do, thank you. i don't mind seeing a few comments down below so we could gush over how hot jealous!keran is hAH.


End file.
